Ocean’s Twelve EXPLAINED

This post contains spoilers.

I am sick, sick, SICK of people all over the internet talking shit about the fantastically intricate and rewarding experience that is Ocean’s Twelve, the sequel to 2001’s Ocean’s Eleven.

Yes I’m talking to you.

Common accusations levelled by stupid people at Ocean’s Twelve:

  • Just an excuse to get the celebrities back together and sell movie tickets
  • Too many new and/or insignificant characters
  • I didn’t understand what was going on
  • The twist ending makes the whole movie totally pointless

These complaints are all wrong, and everybody who believes them is just too stupid to understand the story. Yes I said it. The movie is genius. YOU are stupid.

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This carefully composed symmetrical frame from the new Bond film Skyfall reminds me of those optical illusion teasers – do you see a vase or two people in profile?

The cinematographer has even given us the cue by placing the martini glass in the centre of the frame.

The reason I start my review with this is because, like the optical illusion teasers, I think in this new Bond film people will see what they want to see.

Some people will see a brilliant step in a new direction.  Other people will only see disappointing action moments that could have been payed off better, and a betrayal of the core trademarks of the series by the choice of blonde and cheeky Daniel Craig (who couldn’t be less like Connery), the rebooting of the series, the lack of gadgets, and the lack of witticisms and over the top Bond-esque absurdities.  I say this because Skyfall is a TRIUMPH of this new introspective Daniel Craig who uses literally “no more gadgets – just a gun and a radio”, and is sans absurd evil plots and escapes.

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